Patty Cake

Last year, the Patriots' schedule was nightmarish.  That comes with the territory, having had back to back, 14-2, division winning, Superbowl winning seasons, adding up to three titles in four years and every win streak record on the books.  What was not expected, at least in the rate of occurence, were the injuries.  Nothing new.  Bledsoe went down, and uh... well you know what happened.  No Ty Law?  No problem.  That Pats shut down the competition with Troy Brown and a Gay man playing conernerback.  But last year was just a bit ridiculous.  Losing Rodney Harrison was by far the worst part.  Bruschi came back mid-season and played find (ofcourse, he now has a wrist injury - go figure).  But the offensive line injuries (Koppen, Light) along with unmeasurable crappiness of Duane Starks not being injured led to bad things.  They still won the division.  They still secured the record tenth straight playoff victory.  But they still went out in the division round as I predicted, although you lay half of that at the feet of the refs in what was by far the worst weekend of officiating in the history of professional sports.  But give credit where credit is due - the Steelers got screwed even worse than the Patriots did, but won their game, and went on to win the AFC Championship against the unsurprisingly combustable Broncos and then the Superbowl against a team that could only muster ten points in the biggest game of the franchise's pathetic history.  Had the Pats not been screwed by the refs against Denver, they likely would have beaten in front of a home field crowd by the Steelers in an ugly work of revenge for the way Brady & co. pants them in front of Pittsburgh a year and a half ago.  The Steelers were the best team in the playoffs last year, and deserved to win.

Barring a second consecutive season where the team has a completely ridiculous number of injuries, things look a bit different this season.  The only AFC team that is certifiably better now than they were six months ago is The Dolphins.  That can be a concern since they are a division rival that the Patriots play twice, but much of hype surrounding them hinges on Daunte Culpepper's knee.  He probably has rehabbed it quite well - his injury occured much earlier than Carson Palmer's.  Unforunately for him (and god forbid - Tom Brady), Kimo Von Kneediver now plays for the Jets.  One bad hit and Miami is back to being a decent 9 - 7 team but not much of a playoff contender.

The Steelers are simply not as good now as they were in February.  The Bus has retired.  Gentle Ben smashed his face on a windshield.  Randle El left for the 'Skins.  Doubts linger about how happy Cowher is regarding his contract situation and whether or not he'll even be back after this season.  This is by no means a "poo-poo" on the Steelers chances of repeating.  The Patriots are also worse on paper now than they have been in the past.

The Colts lost Edge which would seem like an enormous blow, but Peyton Manning can shoulder the load - no pun intended.  Having Vinetari is 1000x better than having Vandershank, although as luck would have it, both of them are hurt right now and may not be there for the start of their respective team's seasons.  If Adam's ankle problem really is serious, than it will be hard to lament the Pats letting him go to an arch rival.  He was #1 in pay last year but #19 in accuracy, and probably needs to be in a dome to get the numbers back up.  Having gone on a tangeant I'll simply say the Colts looked unstoppable last year and managed to stop themselves in the playoffs as usual.  They don't look as tough this year.

The Bengals are not a team the Patriots play very much, and their first trip to the playoffs last season ended in the worst way imaginable.  A questionable knee (or what is left of it) on Palmer and a bunch of criminals on the rest of the roster - that is a recipe for disaster.

Now my official predictions on the schedule, keeping in mind that injuries or alien invasions could ruin it at any given time:

Bills @ Home:  Easy win.

Away @ Jets:  Easy win.

Broncos @ Home:  Broncos win, creating hype that they are now primed to get the Superbowl.  During said hype, everyone forgets that they haven't done shit in the playoffs since Elway retired.

Away @ Bengals:  Palmer's kneed and Marvin Lewis' complete lack of control over his team let the Pats get out of this one with a win.

Dolphins @ Home:  The Patriots seem to schedule one boneheaded division loss every year, but this would be a bit early.  Pats win a close one.

BYE WEEK:  Ditka - 1,033 ; Ricky Bobby - 5

Away @ Bills:  Easy win.

Away @ Vikings:  The Vikes finished last season strong, but looking at the Koren Robinson situation shows me they haven't learned much since Randy Moss and ticket scalper Mike Tice left... or since the Love Boat incident.  Pats win in prime time.

Colts @ Home:  Manning got his revenge last year, and this year will just be an ordinary win.  Pats lose by ten or less, fueling speculation that this is the year the Colts finally do it - just like last year and the year before.

Jets @ Home:  Easy win.  Mangina cries.

Away @ Packers:  Bretty Favre is pretty much the worst quarterback of all time.  Pats win in the blowout of the season.

Bears @ Home:  Last year's most overhyped team got exposed in the playoffs and still have lousy quarterbacks.  Seriously, who the fuck is Rex Grossman?  Pats win, and people watching the game wonder why anyone thought the Bears were Superbowl contenders to begin with.

Lions @ Home:  Pats complete the sweep of the crapfest that is the NFC North.  Cassel gets cleanup duty before it turns into a Packers-esque bloodbath.

Away @ Dolphins:  I see a lot of people remarking on how the Patriots don't have to play in Miami until after the heat has died down.  Remember December 2004?  The Dolphins win, otherwise they are this year's Chicago Bears.

Texans @ Home:  They continue to pay David Carr and passed on Reggie Bush.  If the Patriots couldn't win this with blindfolds on, I'd stop watching sports entirely.

Away @ Jags:  Even with the injuries, the Patriots destroyed them in January.  The Jags of last season were quite possibly the worst 12 - 4 in a long time.  Pats win.

Away @ Titans:  Vince Young, if not injured at this point, will scramble and make some nice plays.  David Givens will  play well.  Lendale White will spit on somebody and get his ass kicked.  How much effort even goes into this one probably depends how close Miami is in the standings.  If this game means something, it is a win.  If it doesn't, it should still be a win because the B-Squad is still better than these bozos.

Projected Record:  12 - 4.  Yeah, I just picked them winning 13 of the games, but I will admit now that things could pile up on them in weeks 3 - 5 if they lose against Denver.  Going into the bye week 3-2 is possible, and if a nasty injury occurs, maybe even 2-3 could happen.  But last year, the Patriots had the toughest schedule ever, with the worst number of injuries ever, and they went 10-6.  They actually would have been 11-5 if it had not been to their advantage to throw the B-Squad in and let Miami take the final game of last season.  Taking those facts into consideration, and seeing match ups against AFC South and NFC North, they really should be winning 12 games.  They're not aligned with the AFC West, NFC South, or NFC East this year.  They aren't even playing the Steelers, Cowboys, Panthers, Giants, Chiefs, or Chargers.  Win 12 games fellas.

The other thing I'm looking forward to this season is a little drama known as Dallas.  I have never liked Terrel Owens.  I respect how Drew Bledsoe handled himself in 2002 and now that he is out of the division, I wish success for him.  But kick me if the idea of T.O. causing Bill Parcells to have a nervous breakdown is not the funniest thing ever.  T.O. dissing Terry Glenn.  T.O. publically disclosing Vanderjerk's sexual orientation.  It's all there folks.  Make it happen, Mr. Owens.  Make.  It.  Happen.